Dirk Myron Everett was born in Lander Wyoming in 1919. Dirk grew up working his father's ink wells by day and lap dancing by night. Still, Dirk was drawn to the big city and one day while his father was bent over removing lint from his pants cuff, Dirk made his escape and headed for the city that never sleeps but is also never really awake, Fresno, California.

There Dirk got a job rubbing his neck at an all night dinner and fish store. Dirk began to explore the world of art through clown paintings and motel art, but grew tired of the period. He instead began a lucrative business acquiring rare antiquities and artifacts. Working long hours and never taking a lunch break, his diligence paid off and he began to come upon items so strange that they fell out of the realm of art and of artifact.

About this time, at a mummy convention in Cairo, Dirk met Matrix Whizbang and they struck up a friendship. Matrix, of course, went on to establish Freakybuttrue and the Museum of Unnatural History.  Dirk and Matrix had a famous time together until Dirk fell in with the wrong camping crowd and got hooked on a three-can-a-day Sterno habit. Dirk began to fabricate objects and claims and began bilking the Museum out of hundreds of dollars. (Canadian) When Matrix discovered Dirk's scheme, he severed their relationship, stopped all payments to Dirk and sent him seventy pounds of Grouper entrails. Dirk was seen two nights before the fateful fire that destroyed the musuem, standing in the bushes sweating.